Wednesday, October 31, 2007

A New Beginning

For reasons I will soon outline, I considered deleting every post that constitutes this neglected journal. It will probably dissuade many of my former readers to learn that I my life has undergone a dramatic spiritual change over the past month, one to which I had been previously inclined but otherwise unwilling to devote myself to. Again, explanations are forthcoming, but not at this hour and not in my present and debatable state of health (flu onset, to answer inquiring minds).

What I would like to mention now is a strange desire to delete all posts that pre-date this one, as many of them seem to represent a stubborness that I've outgrown. In short, I've had a revelatory moment in which I declared before God and a mutual friend that my past attempts at living for myself have invariably left me unfulfilled and that I had embraced a new willingness to serve God honestly. It would be no more than 20 minutes following that statement that I was thrust into a path that, while I fail to understand it, has already changed my life for the dramatic better. (Yes, the flu notwithstanding, and it will pass anyway.)

Before I get into details that require a more focused effort, I'd like to explain why I won't simply create a new blog to log my journey as a servant of Christ. For starters, the phrase "Notes in the carpet" embodies a very sweeping representation of how my mind has always functioned. Since I was a child, I remember discovering images in places of relative inanimation. To this day, when I sit in the bathroom nearest my childhood room, I see stains in a wooden hamper that look like a goose wearing a bonnet and a cheetah at full speed. Should I become possessed of the right camera, I might even try to capture these images. It's no different for the shadows that appear in the carpets of my room, whether they be swayed by the last streak of a vacuum or a sluggish pace that contrasts the up and under side of the fibres. I've been told in the past that I've a great well of patience in me, especially when I was a very ill child who passed many mornings waiting for blood tests or doctor visits. I can still picture my feet kicking in front of me as my mind gradually settled into images that were nothing more than shadows in the carpets of those waiting rooms. Sometimes I would see faces, sometimes abstract patterns, but there was always a freedom in letting my pre-conceptions fade into oblivion as they revealed themselves to me, and, in spite of my scientific background and selfish motivations, it was in the letting go of those precious commodities that I first glimpsed inner peace. Genuine inner peace through Christ.

I've long believed in God, but it was earlier this month that I learned the significance of living for Him. While I gleaned a fair bit of insight during a serendipitous sermon--which, admittedly, I only visited to hang out with an abovementioned friend--it was in holding my scientific concepts against the book of Genesis, honestly, that I finally felt myself letting go. I don't wish to assert any semblance of righteousness, but instead I hope to convey and openness to learn and discover through further study. Again, honesty must be at the core thereof. I would also hesitate to call this a right-wing blog, as I find such terms have been greatly perverted by modern definition. For instance, I would think it a very liberal practice to tote guns and fire them at strangers, but that seems to be the intellectual property of the conservative movement in the United States. Makes no sense to me.

Having said that, I will surely trim some of the fat from my previous posts. I would not care to forget my travels and misadventures, but I have written some very nonsensical things in this electronic journal. I feel obliged to end this post profoundly, but this will remain a work in progress until I've touched my last key. Goodnight for now, and may peace find you.


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